Please Explain

I learnt something yesterday that needs explaining...

I was giving an English ''lesson'' (I was eating an amazing lunch, being spoilt, chatting and getting paid) at a student's home when she asked me if I could explain an English term she saw in a book she was reading. Of course, being the teacher, I was pleased to help her, and hoped that it wasn't some obscure word that I would have trouble explaining. When she showed me the book, it was none other than the abbreviation RSVP. Now for those of you who don't know (I'm hoping most of you do!), RSVP stands for Répondez s'il vous plaît - which is French for Please reply....So can someone tell me why in English we use a French abbreviation, when it doesn't even exist in France?!!

Paris in August

5 Things you should know about Paris in August

1) Ghost city - Paris is a complete ghost city in August as all the Parisians leave the city for the entire month to go on their summer holidays in the countryside. Everything is closed and there are no French people around....It is not unusual for the Boulangeries (who needs bread anyway?), restaurants, bars, hair dressers etc to be closed for 4 weeks whilst the owners are lounging around in the sunshine somewhere...

2) Tourist central - To make up for the complete lack of Parisians, the city is covered in tourists and you begin to forget that you are in France, as the national language becomes English for the month.

3) Sleazing season - As I've told you all before, Paris isn't the nicest city for a single girl, unless you are permanently in the company of others, because if you are alone and female you are often harrassed....but August is a joke - it's peak sleazing season! For example, last Friday after finishing work late I caught a taxi home. My taxi driver kept insisting on taking me for a coffee before dropping me home. I told him about 35 times that I didn't want a bloody coffee, I only wanted to GO HOME, and that this was actually a simple request and the definition of his job was to respond to such requests and take people to the destination of their choice (that being my home). In the end, he finally agreed to take me home, and after I refused to give him my number, he wouldn't let me get out of the taxi before giving me his number - as if I'm ever going to call you Jean-Louis - you bloody Psycho! And the very next day I had 3 guys walk past me in the street and stop to tell me I had beautiful eyes - now I know my eyes are stunning ;) but come on!

4) Crappy weather - I am one to accept, even expect, crappy weather in August when I'm in Sydney and it is in fact Winter, but when in Paris, where it is summer, this is frankly unacceptable. Last August it rained for 24 days, and this August the skies are competing to try and break this record. An umbrella shouldn't be a necessity in the middle of summer!

5) Festivals galore - August is the month of festivals and activities in Paris, to give those of us who stay around something to do, and all the tourists something to smile about (given that the restaurants and boulangeries are closed). This year the Quartier d'été festival had an Australian theme and there were nights of Australian cinema, music and didgeridoo playing - unfortunately this happened to co-incide with my only week of holidays and so I missed it all, but I'm sure it would have been good. There are also of course a few open-air cinemas (all of which are fabulous in the month of constant RAIN!) and then who could forget to mention the magnificent Paris Plage! That's right - an artificial beach in Paris for August - what a fabulous idea! The only problem with this little brain wave is that someone forgot to tell the Parisians that a beach actually consists of sand, the ocean, waves, and hopefully swimming. Apparently they define a beach by the presence of long deck chairs, the possibility of stripping down to your bikini, and a body of water of some sort (that being the Seine river). Now just because its called a beach, don't get any crazy ideas and try jumping into the Seine to go swimming - you'd die from all the pollution!

All I can say is BRING ON SEPTEMBER!

How's your general knowledge?

So one of the interesting* features of working for a world news TV station is that everyday is a general knowledge quiz of some sort. Now I'm not one to say no to a bit of trivia every now and then (as long as it involves questions on early nineties music, useless celebrity gossip from 10 years ago, or sporting events that Australia has won) but lets just say that middle eastern cities, and world leaders are not my forté.

Belonging to the generation of NSW students who only had to do one year of history and geography in highschool (anything more was the student's choice), I was one of those wise students who chose to do the absolute minimum and hence finished geography at the age of 14 and history at 15. I decided to choose subjects like music, textiles and French instead. This means that I have quite a crap background in geography and history- quiz me on countries i have travelled to, the aboriginal people, or Captain Arthur Phillip and I'm your girl - but if you're looking for a broader, more detailed knowledge of the history and politics of numerous countries, then unfortunately I'm probably not the best person to ask.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dumb ass, I have a fair idea of what is going on in the world, but I'm definitely not up there on remote cities, or foreign politicians.

Fortunately, during my 2 interviews for the position that I currently hold, both interviewers told me they would come to the general knowledge quiz at the end of the interview and conveniently for me, they forgot. I like to think it was due to my completely calm and confident expression which gave off the 'don't even waste your time testing me on my immaculate general knowledge' impression, even if on the inside, I was kicking myself for never being home to watch the news, not owning a radio, and not having bought a newspaper since arriving in France over a year ago.

I soon recognised the problem in my first week when I was asked how to spell 'Tyre' in French. My initial reaction was to ask why we were doing a story on an uninteresting topic like tyres, but then something told me to check wikipedia just in case there happened to be other forms of tyres I wasn't aware of. This turned out to be a good plan of action when I read that Tyre, as well as being something found on the outer part of a wheel, is in fact a city in Lebanon - and the French spelling is 'Tyr'. Without exposing my ignorance I was able to reply in a matter of minutes with the correct French spelling - very professional of me I know. This however was only the first of many close calls that I have since experienced. Everyday I pretend as if I know exactly what everyone is talking about and so far no one has found me out. Fortunately I have a good memory and so my plan is to continue to bluff for the next few weeks and hopefully by then I will have learnt most of the foreign cities and politicians names in both English and French and no one will ever know of my early days of shame. Having said that, if anyone wants to help me out with a list of remote cities, a detailed world map, or a list of foreign politicians with spelling and pronunciation included, feel free!

*the word 'interesting' can equally be replaced by 'stressful', 'disturbing', 'worrying', 'exciting' or anything else that might take your fancy...

Une semaine à la campagne

Last week I stepped outside Paris and went somewhere else in France for the first time since I arrived here last year - I know I'm hopeless - France is the country I have seen the least and I live here! Anyway, I went with some friends to a small town called Nogent-le-Rotrou in an area called Le Perche, which is about an hour and a half south-west of Paris.

There were 4 of us who stayed in my friend Florence's country house.

I had a fantastic time doing absolutely nothing!! Its been a long time since I have been able to just relax and laze about. It was a week of sunshine, food, drink, french and english lessons, setting lawn mowers on fire, more food, cards, music, badminton, more food, friends, good times, reading and did I mention food? Florence and Matthieu are amazing cooks and I was spoilt all week with incredible meals for breakfast lunch and dinner.

The meals were the tastiest ever because they were made with fruit and veggies from the garden.

Although, when the gas ran out on the last night, we had to use the fireplace as a makeshift BBQ - it took a long time but the food tasted great!!

When we weren't eating (a rare event) it was nice to just breathe in the fresh country air, remember that stars do in fact exist (not in Paris people) and admire the view of the endless wheat fields.

It really was a heavenly week! I'm looking forward to going again within the year.

The Swedes hit Paris

Ma vie parisienne was particularly fabulous last week! I had the pleasure of a wonderful visit from Lisa and Patrik - my favourite Swedes!!! It was great catching up and spending some time falling in love with this city all over again. The arrival of Lisa and Patrik meant that the Toronto group came back into force - starting with a trip to Versailles to visit Ombeline (she's not pregnant she's just fat ;) and Charles.

Ok.....maybe she is pregnant

When you visit Ombeline you are always guaranteed a fabulous meal and this time she definately didn't let us down! Just the usual - apero, drinks, main course, cheese, dessert, coffee - the works!

Then on Friday night it was time to enjoy some more French cuisine in a little restaurant in the 5th - once again smaskens!

The boys looked good.....

The girls looked better....

Lisa even ate a snail!...

Which looked like this before she ate it.....

Then we had a drink outside in Rue Mouffetard

Before we knew it, the weekend had come along and so had the 14th of July - Bastille Day! or as it is more widely known - OLIVIER'S BIRTHDAY! I spent the day with Lisa and Patrik soaking up Montmartre and the Sacre Coeur in the sunshine. Then we moved on to Christian's apartment for the evening entertainment.

We watched the lovely fireworks on Pont Mirabeau...

Although we were lovelier than the fireworks!

Then we went for a romantic evening stroll along the Seine - always a pleasure - Paris really is the most beautiful city in the world, and it's even more incredible at night.

Sunday was another wonderful day of sunshine - we wandered around the Marais area, checked out Ile St-Louis, had a picnic by the Eiffel Tower and went on a cruise on the Seine - I don't think I will ever tire of the beauty of this place!

Lisa and I (Ile St-Louis) with Notre Dame behind us

Thanks so much to Lisa and Patrik for coming - you better be back soon!

Le ou la - n'importe quoi! *

So it seems that I am destined to always make mistakes with gender when speaking French. When every bloody object is either masculine or feminine it's difficult to be able to learn them all par coeur. I have been assured by both French and non-french alike that no matter how long I live here, I will always make gender mistakes - it's not very reassuring news, but I'm sure they are all right.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no easy rule which you can apply to know if an object is masculine or feminine - it's just something you know, or in my case, don't know. Apparently the way a word is spelt can help you, there are certain endings of words which can indicate if something is masculine or feminine - however as usual, there are many exceptions. My own rule, which I'd advise you to use with caution, is to say whatever comes out of your mouth and hope that no one is paying attention. Afterall, using logic is not an option, as it has nothing to do with logic. Let's take the example of a vagina (MASCULINE - un vagin) and a dick (FEMININE - une bite)**. You can try and explain this to me Frenchies, mais je sais qu'on a tous des problèmes...

So, as I see it there seems to be two options - accept that I will always make these mistakes and not worry about them, or speak English - the genderless language!!! Heureusement, je préfère d'accepter que je ferai des erreurs avec le/la genre que parler en anglais tout le temps.

*Note to non-french speakers - this title rhymes (didn't want you to miss the full effect)
**Mia Jones - a young lady learning and sharing all of the most important things in France!

Mr. Potential 2007

Many people seem to think that the life of an English teacher in Paris is one full of potential dating opportunities. In the world of teaching English to business professionals, one would think that we come into contact with new students every week - business men who are polite, educated, funny and just dying to get to know their English teacher on a more personal level - its a lovely concept in theory - but it is entirely WRONG! All of my students are either;
a) female - thanks but no thanks;
b) 50 - they say age isn't a barrier - I say it is;
c) boring - the MOST boring people in the world learn english;
d) french - in all the WRONG ways;
e) married - not a good idea;
f) obsessed with their girlfriends - I don't want to hear about it or;
g) ugly - I shouldn't be superficial, but i have SOME standards!

So, aside from the fact that it might not be the wisest idea to have a teacher/student relationship outside of the classroom, when the students fit into the above list, it's not even something worth considering. That was of course until June 26, when Mr. Potential 2007 walked into my school.

Mr. Potential 2007 was a breath of fresh air in my working week - someone I never expected to see in my time as an English teacher - someone who could be given a number of pseudonyms;
1) Mr. Hot
2) Mr. Funny
3) Mr. Intelligent
4) Mr. Interesting
5) Mr. Multilingual
6) Mr. Well dressed
7) Mr. Experienced...

In fact, the list could keep going - which is why I prefer to call him simply Mr. Potential 2007...

On Tuesday I had the pleasure of what we in the industry call the 'restaurant class' - a phenomenal concept where you get paid a teaching rate to go to a fancy restaurant with a student so that they can practise the skill of just making social chit-chat - basically you get paid to eat. There are some people who find these classes horrible - they don't like having lunch and talking on a more personal level with students who fit into the aforementioned categories - they would rather just get a sandwich and eat it with people they like. I, on the other hand, have no problem with being paid to eat in a restaurant that i would never be able to afford on my own. So last Tuesday I arrived at work a couple of minutes late for my restaurant class - no need to rush for my boring, ugly, old man I thought - and thats when it happened - I was introduced to my lunch date - Mr. Potential 2007!

Lunch was fantastic - not only was I seated opposite a stunningly attractive man, who was very well dressed, eating good food and getting paid for it, but the man was interesting and funny as well. He had lived in England, Brazil, Rome and of course France and so was fluent in English, Portuguese, Italian and French. He assured me that English was the worst of his languages - which I found hard to believe, considering that he was fluent (there are some people we teach who speak english better than us - nobody understands why they are taking lessons - well done sales people is all I can say).

After lunch I was lucky enough to have another 2 and a half hours of class with him - which went by smoothly, despite my lack of preparation - If I had known the lesson was with Mr. Potential 2007, I would have prepared for it more (is that wrong? - the idea of giving good looking people a better class - not my use of the 3rd conditional which is clearly correct - look it up English speakers).

That afternoon I finished the class and went to the teachers room, where I was clearly envied by all the young female teachers, who like me, had begun to think that hot men didn't exist in the realm of language training. It was time to prepare for my Wednesday classes - one of which was with none other than Mr. Potential 2007.

On Wednesday I woke up feeling a little bit sick, which was strangely sudden and unappreciated. It was nothing too drastic though, so I got ready for work and made myself look glamourous. The morning classes went by slowly, and with each hour that passed I began to feel worse - how bloody unfair!! By the time my afternoon class with Mr. Potential 2007 came round, i felt like shit and looked even worse. But I wasn't going to give up this opportunity - my last class with Mr. Potential 2007 (unfortunately he was taking a one-week intensive program, and I only had 6 hours out of the 35 - although fortunately for me the other 29 hours were with male teachers). I spent the 2 hour lesson blowing my nose (i finished a packet of tissues), feeling awful and apologising for my sickness. At the end of it all, we wished each other well and he told me to go home and get some rest.

I spent Thursday and Friday at home either in bed or throwing up. So, I never even got to go to work and admire Mr. Potential 2007 from afar.

I have since googled him - but with no success - it seems all potential has been lost - I knew it was too good to be true.