The Bitch Switch is a mechanism that females living in France must possess. It is something which appears to be inbuilt amongst French women, inherited at birth from their French mothers. For us foreigners it is something that must be developed as early as possible to make everyday living in France more bearable.
When I arrived in Paris I spent the first month of my life here being harassed by sleazy men. Walking in the streets, wandering around museums, sitting in parks, even sitting peacefully in Notre Dame, I was hit on time and time again by dodgy men. I hated Paris in the beginning. No matter where I went it appeared the concepts of personal space and minding one's own business were alien to these people. When I had really had enough of the unwanted attention and was considering returning home, my sister rightfully pointed out that there must be a method for dealing with this harassment and that I should watch how the French women behaved and tolerated these psychos.
So I became an avid observer of French women and that is when I soon discovered an inbuilt Bitch Switch. When a French woman walks down the street she is confident and strong. She exudes an attitude which warns men and random psychos that they should not mess with her. If however, this confident attitude does not have the desired effects, and she is approached by a sleaze, psycho or stalker, she very quickly flicks the Bitch Switch. This switch is slightly different for every woman, but appears to have 4 main functions. The ignore function, death stare function, cunning comeback function and threat function. Depending on the level of psycho that presents himself before her, the woman can choose which function of the switch she needs to activate. Does this sleaze need to be ignored? Looked at with utter disdain? Put in his place with a feisty line? Or actually threatened?
Identifying that this switch existed and learning how to use its functions was an incredibly important process and it has totally changed my everyday life in Paris. First of all I'm approached much less frequently by pscyhos to begin with - this however was not a result of the Bitch Switch, but rather started when I lost my 'tourist eyes'. Tourist eyes are those easily identifiable eyes which flutter about gazing at everything in awe and becoming slightly unfocused due to overloads of beauty. The eyes of someone new to a city, soaking in everything and becoming familiar with their surroundings. The weirdos in Paris can spot tourist eyes a mile away - they see their target and they begin their assault, so you'd be wise to either feign apathy or invest in a pair of sunglasses. When this is not enough and you are approached by an unwanted sleaze, it's now time to turn to the Bitch Switch. I have found it to be incredibly effective - my personal option is to begin with the ignore function and then use the successive functions in order if need be. Generally I find that the ignore function works quite well, although I have definitely had to use a death stare and cunning comeback in my time. So far I'm proud to report that I haven't resorted to threats.
I strongly advise anyone traveling in or moving to Paris to become familiar with their own Bitch Switch and decide which of the functions work best for them. However, I need to be clear that there are certain malfunctions to this switch and that it should be used with caution. I came across a particular malfunction not long after I had moved into my new apartment. Living in a new area had caused me to be on high Bitch Switch alert - after all a new area means a terrible combination - new psychos that you are not familiar with, accompanied by those dreaded tourist eyes. When your Switch is on high alert, you sense sleazes approaching from a long way off and you prepare yourself for activation. This is why one normal Thursday night, while I was buying some groceries in what would become my local supermarket, I almost misused the switch. I could sense a man was walking behind me and following me in the shop, I activated the ignore function but he continued to follow me. Then he made his move, coming closer I heard a man almost whisper 'hello' in my ear. I continued to use the ignore function, however it was of no use, the man wouldn't leave. Becoming more frustrated that I had looked so much like a tourist that he had said hello and identified me as an English speaker before I'd even spoken, I whipped around to activate the death stare function, only to be confronted by my lovely new landlord looking back at me. I quickly tried to turn my death stare into a pleasant smile, not an easy task under pressure and I must admit he looked confused.
Having narrowly escaped an embarrassing situation - ignoring and sending out a death stare to a perfectly lovely man whose nice apartment I was renting, I vowed that I would issue a warning to fellow women living in France. Be careful of the Bitch Switch - embrace its functions but apply them with caution.
