samedi 22 décembre 2007

French Rarities

Living away from home in a country that is not your own gives you a particular perspective of the new country you find yourself living in - that of an outsider. Having grown up among a different set of standards, traditions and everyday activities means that naturally you have a different way of looking at your new world - through glasses of wonder, excitement, curiosity, confusion, apprehension, pleasure, and surprise. In the beginning the experience of learning, living and breathing a new culture is unbelievably exciting and interesting - everything seems new, refreshing and enriching. As time passes by, the novelty wears off slightly as what was once new and surprising becomes normal and part of your everyday reality. Don't get me wrong, you continue to have new experiences, new shocks and find out more about the country, but it becomes less frequent. And when this happens, instead of only noticing the amazing things around you that you never knew existed, you begin to focus on the amazing things you once had that don't seem to exist in your new home. And hence this brings me to my list of French rarities - these are not necessarily amazing things, nor are they all things that I miss, they are just things which curiously are incredibly rare or even non-existant in France. I can think of so many, but for your reading pleasure I have narrowed it down to 10.

1) Random Breath tests - I must admit, I can't be the authority on RBTs in France given that I live in Paris and have not seen much else of this country and that I don't drive here or have a car, however that being said I can say that I have NEVER seen a random breath test in France. With my job I catch taxis to and from work everyday so I have been a passenger a substantial amount of times at all sorts of crazy hours on every day of the week and yet not once have I seen someone tested. In a country where sensible driving and respect of the road rules is also incredibly rare, it seems somewhat odd to me that they don't breath test people more often.

2) Acknowledgement of Sexual Harassment - In the land of the 'bisous' (ie giving everybody you know or don't know, like or dislike a kiss on the cheek when you meet them) and sleazy men (i'm sorry to the French boys that I do like but the stereotype is generally true!) one would think that sexual harassment would be at an all time high - women surely must complain about the inappropriate behaviour of their sleazy co-workers - and yet it would appear that they don't. As far as I'm concerned sexual harassment is not acknowledged in this country, not that I have been a victim, but I have had and seen sleazy bosses act very inappropriately with employees and colleagues and it seems to be considered entirely normal - interactions between men and women in general seem very different in France.

3) Snacks on the run - If you are French you like food. It's a given. It's part of your world, it's an experience, it's somewhat sensual and is not to be treated lightly. Meals are to be well proportioned and contain enough courses or ingredients to satisfy every taste and desire. Meals are to be had, sitting down, at a table and enjoyed. The 'snack on the run' is non-existant. If you are caught eating in the street you are immediately identified as NOT French. I would know, I have (heaven forbid) committed this very crime. On every occasion I have grabbed a bite to eat and started eating as I headed off on my way to do something else I have received countless death stares and comments from my French countrymen. 9 times out of 10 people call out 'Bon Appetit' in a sarcastic and arrogant tone of voice trying to highlight that your behaviour is inappropriate and that you shouldn't being running around doing things whilst eating - you cannot possibly enjoy your meal like that. You are different and need to be shown through a disdainful look that it is not appreciated so that maybe next time you might think twice before scoffing a snack in public. When a French person has things to do in their lunch hour for example, they either eat first and then go off and complete their tasks, or the other way around. The two are not mixed. It is much more acceptable to take a 3 hour lunch than eat on the go. The eating and food ethic rates much higher than the work ethic for the French.

4) Large bathrooms and kitchens - to say that apartments in Paris are small would be an understatement - tiny would even be too kind a word. Most of them, as my friend Sarah correctly identified, should be referred to as cupboards. And if the apartment is small then the chance of a large bathroom or kitchen is impossible. In most apartments the word 'kitchen' is used loosely to refer to a tiny corner with a stove top and a fridge resembling a hotel mini-bar. Ovens, microwaves, benches - these things are luxurious and are written up in advertisements as if they are hard to come across treasures. Bathrooms are often worse, if you in fact have a bathroom and don't have to go outside to a small toilet and take a shower in your living room (as I did in my first apartment).

5) Occupational Health and Safety - I'm convinced that OH & S legislation doesn't exist in France. There are so many safety hazards in the streets, in buildings, in the workplace, and in public places that people just walk-by and don't acknowledge. It is perfectly normal to have an enormous hole in the pavement with no sign, tape or people in sight to warn or explain to you how it got there in the first place. Exposed wires lying about are also normal - in fact pretty much anything goes here.

6) Healthy, non-complaining citizens - I'm sorry to generalise once again but France is the world of the hypocondriac and the complainer. If you are French and have the slightest hint of a sore throat you should head straight to the pharmacy and buy 3 months supply of drugs - and take the week off work, you can never be too careful. And make sure you tell everyone about your illness and complain about how bad it is. In fact while you're at it, complain about everything, afterall things will never improve if you are positive and seem satisfied with something.

7) Exercise/sports gear in public - There is a time and a place for exercise and sports gear and that is not in public. Having read the book 'Almost French' where the author Sarah Turnbull goes through an account of her French husband being horrified when she threw on some tracksuit pants to go to the Boulangerie one morning, I have spent the past year being very careful not to make the same mistake. I recently joined the gym down the street and have continued to be careful with my attire. Whilst it is literally only a 1 minute walk to my gym, I go there looking acceptable and take my exercise gear to change into once I've arrived. However, a couple of weeks ago I made the mistake of exercising right up until the point the gym had to close and not having the time to change back into my public attire. I was a little bit hesitant to go outside but I thought everything would be ok, given that I had less than 100 metres to walk home and that I was wearing adidas track pants and not just any old rubbish, and yet during the 1 minute walk home I passed by 3 people walking in the opposite direction who proceeded to laugh in my face and compliment me on my Dolce and Gabbana clothing choice. So the vicious rumours were true - No exercise gear in public!

8) Good pronunciation of the English language - Ok I know the French are getting better at English and I know they are trying and hell I'm not complaining - my accent in French leaves a lot to be desired - I'm just simply pointing out that good pronunciation of the English language is very rare in France. Find me a French person who can correctly pronounce the words 'idea', 'development', and 'throughout' and I'll give you a medal.

9) Good Asian food - Whilst the French do food well, they do Asian food pretty terribly. I must admit Japanese food seems to be fine - the level of Sushi in Paris is pretty damn great - and I have come across an ok restaurant in China town, but other than that Asian food is on the whole quite crap over here. Chinese 'restaurants' serve you strange dishes with unidentified meat objects that are sitting in a display and are then heated up in a microwave before your very eyes. And don't get me started on Thai - it's been almost 2 years since I've had good Thai - someone help me!

10) Desire to make new friends - French people who are unsatisfied with most things in life seem to be satisfied at least on one level - with the amount of friends that they have. In my experience most of the French seem to have no desire to make new friends. They already have enough and will not go out seeking new ones. If you have a French friend they seem to be yours for life - sincere, supportive, and loyal. Where one comes across these French friends is another question when you are surrounded by people who are happy to be polite, have a chat with you, but will never attempt to contact you again once the night is over. Thank god for the French friends I met in Canada, otherwise I think I would have NONE!

mardi 11 décembre 2007

Drugged dubbing

I have a confession to make - today I was sitting at home watching the french version of 'The Nanny' on tv. As I was watching the show I became disturbed by a number of aspects. Firstly - why does 'The Nanny' have to be translated as 'Une nounou d'enfer' which in French means A nanny from hell....why do the French have the right to say that she comes from hell? I understand the need to change the titles of programs and that sometimes during the translation process the title can be significantly altered as direct translation doesn't make sense, but in this case it certainly could have been directly translated as La nounou - why the need to add the hell part...Secondly - the voice of Fran in French is terrible, it's just a relatively normal voice - there's nothing special about it, nothing nasal, the whole annoying aspect of her voice is lost completely! And yet, they keep her English laugh - so she goes from speaking normally in French to a hideous laugh from the original version and it just doesn't work - not even close! But the most disturbing thing of all is the voice of Brighton Sheffield. The man dubbing Brighton clearly has problems, he sounds like he is on drugs. The voice of Grace is almost as bad and is obviously done by an equally stoned woman. But it's not just Brighton and Grace, they are just two of countless examples on French tv.

I noticed it at first a few months ago, and since then I have been haunted by my discovery. The voices of children in American and English series are clearly dubbed by adults...and as these adults are trying to recreate the voice of a child, they change their voices in bizarre ways and end up sounding like one of those chipmunks - Alvin, Simon, Theodore! I am convinced that many of them must be on drugs, the voices that they come up with can't be possible from someone who is sober....or at least if it's not drugs, then they must have inhaled a significant amount of helium gas...Who do they think they are? and are French people not disturbed by this as well? Do they not have a problem with the fact that every child sounds like a drugged adult? Surely they must realise! And is it the same in other countries with dubbed tv shows? Is it just a logistical problem that has never confronted those of us from English speaking countries who choose not to dub foreign programs? Afterall, I guess there just aren't enough child actors around - they're all too busy in school. And I suppose the child actors who do exist actually want to act and be on screen and not just in some sound studio providing the voice for some snotty-nosed American kid who's rolling in the cash and the glory.

I tried to find some examples for you on Youtube so that you could listen for yourselves and prove my theory right. But unfortunately I can't find a clip from 'une nounou d'enfer' that features little Brighton. Unbelievable I know! So then I looked up '7 à la maison' which translates as 7 at home - doesn't quite have the same ring to it as '7th heaven' does it? there they go with their bloody translation again. But the episodes I found from this show featured the older teenagers, who fortunately are dubbed much better than the kiddies...So you'll have to just trust me on this one and join me in saying NO to drugged dubbing.

mercredi 5 décembre 2007

Under pressure

Today I connected to my blog to see if I was inspired to write another message, and to my surprise I had apparently received more than 120 hits in 2 days. Now I'm feeling the pressure - there appears to be people actually reading my blog - what do I say to you all? How about some shameless promotion for my company! For those of you with access to France 24 (ie everyone with the internet - which means you!) I suggest you watch it at 1am on Friday morning (7th dec) - that is of course 1am Paris time. The 6th of December marks the 1 year anniversary of France 24 and so it's time to celebrate! We will all be partying with a private concert, djs, world cuisine and surprises (a little bit disturbing) but for the public enjoyment we will be playing the Best of France 24 bloopers after the 1am bulletin (though the exact time is still undecided). I had the pleasure of watching these yesterday and they are great! You should see some of the rubbish that went to air courtesy of us! Quite amusing....
Now that I know I have an audience, I'll try and raise the standard of my posts....although I'm still not convinced that the hit counter is working. I think it's either a) broken b) trying to flatter me as it's christmas or c)my family visiting 20 times a day....

samedi 1 décembre 2007

The Metro

One of the many things that I love about Paris is the metro - that is, when it is actually functioning. Now that the strikes have come to a temporary halt, I feel it is the perfect time to pay tribute to the metro in an attempt to explain what I have been missing out on over these past few weeks. So here are my top 5 reasons to love the metro.

1) The MUSIC - I am convinced that most commuters really don't appreciate the standard of music they get on the metro in Paris. Ok it must be said straight up that in Paris, as in any other city, there is of course quite a lot of crappy music and annoying buskers going around who you wish would just shut up and let you read your book or listen to your own music on your ipod, but there are also a lot of really great performers. In my opinion, the standard in general here is much higher. Afterall, to busk at a Paris metro station you have to go through an audition first! My favourite metro station for the music is Châtelet - I love the classical orchestra that is there most days serenading the crowds - I often stop and listen and soak up the awesome acoustics. Please click on the link on the left to see the Châtelet orchestra playing. Then there are the many buskers who play inside the cabins on the train - this can either be dreadful, given that you are in an enclosed space and can't escape, or absolutely great!! I'm always somewhat disturbed by the two young boys on line 2 doing a strip tease/pole dance/ rap show, but they are always entertaining. The best I've seen though (not in the flesh) was shown to me this week on Facebook - I've included a link to this metro performance, a group of guys working their magic on line 1.

2) The frosty atmosphere on board - maybe this is something that only foreigners can really appreciate, but I will never tire of the looks on the faces of Parisians in the metro. All the passengers look like they want to kill themselves - and anyone who doesn't is a tourist, or at least, not Parisian. And if you're smiling, or heaven forbid laughing, then you clearly have something wrong with you and will receive death stares from the other commuters.


3) The accessibility is tops! You really can get anywhere in Paris, with a metro stop on almost every corner, you never have to walk for more than 7 mins to get to a metro station.

4) The frequency - this of course varies depending on the line, but when you're like me and live near line 1, you have a train every 3 minutes! Even on the lines with the least amount of trains running, the maximum wait time is 7 minutes. The downside to this is that you become impatient and find yourself cursing if you have to wait 5 minutes or more.
5) The metro in Paris is one of the easiest transport systems in the world to use - with each line numbered and colour-coded, the only thing left to do is figure out which direction you want to be heading in and voilà, you're on your way.

So stay with us my little metro, no more strikes please!