French Rarities

Living away from home in a country that is not your own gives you a particular perspective of the new country you find yourself living in - that of an outsider. Having grown up among a different set of standards, traditions and everyday activities means that naturally you have a different way of looking at your new world - through glasses of wonder, excitement, curiosity, confusion, apprehension, pleasure, and surprise. In the beginning the experience of learning, living and breathing a new culture is unbelievably exciting and interesting - everything seems new, refreshing and enriching. As time passes by, the novelty wears off slightly as what was once new and surprising becomes normal and part of your everyday reality. Don't get me wrong, you continue to have new experiences, new shocks and find out more about the country, but it becomes less frequent. And when this happens, instead of only noticing the amazing things around you that you never knew existed, you begin to focus on the amazing things you once had that don't seem to exist in your new home. And hence this brings me to my list of French rarities - these are not necessarily amazing things, nor are they all things that I miss, they are just things which curiously are incredibly rare or even non-existant in France. I can think of so many, but for your reading pleasure I have narrowed it down to 10.

1) Random Breath tests - I must admit, I can't be the authority on RBTs in France given that I live in Paris and have not seen much else of this country and that I don't drive here or have a car, however that being said I can say that I have NEVER seen a random breath test in France. With my job I catch taxis to and from work everyday so I have been a passenger a substantial amount of times at all sorts of crazy hours on every day of the week and yet not once have I seen someone tested. In a country where sensible driving and respect of the road rules is also incredibly rare, it seems somewhat odd to me that they don't breath test people more often.

2) Acknowledgement of Sexual Harassment - In the land of the 'bisous' (ie giving everybody you know or don't know, like or dislike a kiss on the cheek when you meet them) and sleazy men (i'm sorry to the French boys that I do like but the stereotype is generally true!) one would think that sexual harassment would be at an all time high - women surely must complain about the inappropriate behaviour of their sleazy co-workers - and yet it would appear that they don't. As far as I'm concerned sexual harassment is not acknowledged in this country, not that I have been a victim, but I have had and seen sleazy bosses act very inappropriately with employees and colleagues and it seems to be considered entirely normal - interactions between men and women in general seem very different in France.

3) Snacks on the run - If you are French you like food. It's a given. It's part of your world, it's an experience, it's somewhat sensual and is not to be treated lightly. Meals are to be well proportioned and contain enough courses or ingredients to satisfy every taste and desire. Meals are to be had, sitting down, at a table and enjoyed. The 'snack on the run' is non-existant. If you are caught eating in the street you are immediately identified as NOT French. I would know, I have (heaven forbid) committed this very crime. On every occasion I have grabbed a bite to eat and started eating as I headed off on my way to do something else I have received countless death stares and comments from my French countrymen. 9 times out of 10 people call out 'Bon Appetit' in a sarcastic and arrogant tone of voice trying to highlight that your behaviour is inappropriate and that you shouldn't being running around doing things whilst eating - you cannot possibly enjoy your meal like that. You are different and need to be shown through a disdainful look that it is not appreciated so that maybe next time you might think twice before scoffing a snack in public. When a French person has things to do in their lunch hour for example, they either eat first and then go off and complete their tasks, or the other way around. The two are not mixed. It is much more acceptable to take a 3 hour lunch than eat on the go. The eating and food ethic rates much higher than the work ethic for the French.

4) Large bathrooms and kitchens - to say that apartments in Paris are small would be an understatement - tiny would even be too kind a word. Most of them, as my friend Sarah correctly identified, should be referred to as cupboards. And if the apartment is small then the chance of a large bathroom or kitchen is impossible. In most apartments the word 'kitchen' is used loosely to refer to a tiny corner with a stove top and a fridge resembling a hotel mini-bar. Ovens, microwaves, benches - these things are luxurious and are written up in advertisements as if they are hard to come across treasures. Bathrooms are often worse, if you in fact have a bathroom and don't have to go outside to a small toilet and take a shower in your living room (as I did in my first apartment).

5) Occupational Health and Safety - I'm convinced that OH & S legislation doesn't exist in France. There are so many safety hazards in the streets, in buildings, in the workplace, and in public places that people just walk-by and don't acknowledge. It is perfectly normal to have an enormous hole in the pavement with no sign, tape or people in sight to warn or explain to you how it got there in the first place. Exposed wires lying about are also normal - in fact pretty much anything goes here.

6) Healthy, non-complaining citizens - I'm sorry to generalise once again but France is the world of the hypocondriac and the complainer. If you are French and have the slightest hint of a sore throat you should head straight to the pharmacy and buy 3 months supply of drugs - and take the week off work, you can never be too careful. And make sure you tell everyone about your illness and complain about how bad it is. In fact while you're at it, complain about everything, afterall things will never improve if you are positive and seem satisfied with something.

7) Exercise/sports gear in public - There is a time and a place for exercise and sports gear and that is not in public. Having read the book 'Almost French' where the author Sarah Turnbull goes through an account of her French husband being horrified when she threw on some tracksuit pants to go to the Boulangerie one morning, I have spent the past year being very careful not to make the same mistake. I recently joined the gym down the street and have continued to be careful with my attire. Whilst it is literally only a 1 minute walk to my gym, I go there looking acceptable and take my exercise gear to change into once I've arrived. However, a couple of weeks ago I made the mistake of exercising right up until the point the gym had to close and not having the time to change back into my public attire. I was a little bit hesitant to go outside but I thought everything would be ok, given that I had less than 100 metres to walk home and that I was wearing adidas track pants and not just any old rubbish, and yet during the 1 minute walk home I passed by 3 people walking in the opposite direction who proceeded to laugh in my face and compliment me on my Dolce and Gabbana clothing choice. So the vicious rumours were true - No exercise gear in public!

8) Good pronunciation of the English language - Ok I know the French are getting better at English and I know they are trying and hell I'm not complaining - my accent in French leaves a lot to be desired - I'm just simply pointing out that good pronunciation of the English language is very rare in France. Find me a French person who can correctly pronounce the words 'idea', 'development', and 'throughout' and I'll give you a medal.

9) Good Asian food - Whilst the French do food well, they do Asian food pretty terribly. I must admit Japanese food seems to be fine - the level of Sushi in Paris is pretty damn great - and I have come across an ok restaurant in China town, but other than that Asian food is on the whole quite crap over here. Chinese 'restaurants' serve you strange dishes with unidentified meat objects that are sitting in a display and are then heated up in a microwave before your very eyes. And don't get me started on Thai - it's been almost 2 years since I've had good Thai - someone help me!

10) Desire to make new friends - French people who are unsatisfied with most things in life seem to be satisfied at least on one level - with the amount of friends that they have. In my experience most of the French seem to have no desire to make new friends. They already have enough and will not go out seeking new ones. If you have a French friend they seem to be yours for life - sincere, supportive, and loyal. Where one comes across these French friends is another question when you are surrounded by people who are happy to be polite, have a chat with you, but will never attempt to contact you again once the night is over. Thank god for the French friends I met in Canada, otherwise I think I would have NONE!